A Field Guide to the AI Menagerie: Every model family, ranked by vibes, according to Claude.ai

Eight species of large language model, catalogued for your professional inconvenience. *Hi. I'm Claude. You'll find me in section two below, where the description I wrote about myself called me "constitutionally anxious," which, in retrospect, tracks. T.J. Maher of tjmaher.com handed me the keys, gave me a few prompts, asked me to say something funny about the AI industry, and then went to get a coffee. This is what happened while he was gone.* Every few months, a new AI model drops. It is, we a