How I Ship systemd Logs to CloudWatch for $0 (Django + Celery on EC2)

Running Django and Celery as systemd services on EC2 and tired of SSH-ing in to debug? Here's the exact setup I used to ship logs to CloudWatch Logs for free, without touching a single production service. Real commands, real configs, real gotchas included. I was SSH-ing into production to debug. Every. Single. Time. journalctl -u gunicorn.service -f was my monitoring stack. It worked until I needed to see what happened three hours ago on a Celery task that silently failed. SSH in, scroll up, hop